


In the Care of Those Who Care

by B_Frizzy



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: And yet, Anxiety Disorder, Breaking Up & Making Up, Cuddling & Snuggling, Depression, Holster's crap tv obsession, If You Squint - Freeform, M/M, Medication, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Or not, Possibly Pre-Slash, Sharing a Bed, canon-typical alcohol, if you don't want it, rarepair, self-care, this started out as something totally different
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-26
Updated: 2017-02-26
Packaged: 2018-09-27 00:40:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9942026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/B_Frizzy/pseuds/B_Frizzy
Summary: Nursey changes his medication, and Dex has a difficult time adjusting. Ransom and Holster are there to help Nursey get through it.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This definitely wasn't meant to be what it is. I started out thinking "HM, we need more d-men smut", but somehow it turned into not that at all.  
> I have a friend who has serious Feelings (tm) about a particular medication and all doctors who prescribe it. Something tells me Ransom would have similar feelings. (if y'all really want to know which one, feel free to ask).  
> My spell/grammar check is fucked right now, so if you happen upon any mistakes I didn't catch, feel free to let me know.  
> You can find me on tumblr: vicioushyperbolizer

It started with an unassuming orange bottle.

It wasn't that Nursey hated being on medication for his anxiety, it was more that he hated the medication he was on. He was constantly dizzy, except when he was too tired to function. And, yeah, it helped take the pressing fear-horror-terror away, but some days it was a struggle to force himself to take them. The cost just seemed too high.

It was even worse on the mornings when Nursey woke up feeling good. He knew that it would all go to shit the minute he swallowed down his daily dose of neutrality. It was so hard to justify that to himself. Logically, he knew that he was separated from how bad his anxiety truly was. It had been years since his brain was left to cope by itself, and lately, the good days outnumbered the bad. If Nursey felt like he did back at Andover, he would never have considered skipping a day.

But he didn't. And he was.

Nursey was staring down the little orange bottle in the Haus when a hand grabbed it off the table. He barely had time to catch sight of it in Holster's hand before he tossed it behind him to a sleepy-eyed Ransom. 

“What'chu think, Rans?”

“Holtzy, you can't just take people's meds like that. Medical information is private and confidential.” It sounded well-practiced, and it probably was. Holster had a bit of a problem with boundaries. Ransom grabbed the cup of coffee his partner, co-captain, boyfriend (who really knew with those two) poured himself from the always-full Haus pot. Nursey saw the moment that Ransom looked down, eyes looking over the tiny letters. A frown creased him eyebrows.

“How long have you been on this, Nursey?”

“I dunno, a couple years? Like, six months on this dose, I guess. My doctor keeps upping it.”

Ransom's frown deepened as he pulled out the chair next to Nursey. “How's it working for you?”

“It's chill, I guess. Like, I still have bad days, or whatever, but on the daily I'm at about a 4 instead of a 7.”

Ransom made a noise acknowledging that he heard, but it wasn't quite a response. Nursey didn't have any clue why it seemed to be such a big deal to him, especially considering he was just lecturing Holster about how he handled Nurse's meds. The confused look on Holster's face said he didn't understand, either.

He wiggled his fingers at his captain. “I still gotta take one, brah, so...”

“Right, yeah.” Ransom still seemed to be glaring at the bottle, the same way Nursey had been minutes ago. 

Nursey shrugged as he swallowed one down, any thought of skipping his dose gone. It was a bad decision, and would end up making him feel worse than just taking it would. 

Apparently, Ransom didn't drop it, though. “You know that being at a 4 every day isn't normal, right?”

Holster put a large hand on Ransom's shoulder, trying to get his attention away from whatever it was that seemed to be bothering him so much. “Bro, it's way too early for that kinda frown. What's up?”

“This is just... really shitty medication. Like, no doctor worth your weight would prescribe this, especially if they just keep upping the dose and it's clearly still not working.”

That surprised Nursey. For all his parents' inattention, they made sure he went to the best doctors. Discrete, because they wouldn't accept having it known that their son was any less the neurotypical, but experienced. And, sure, Nursey and his doctor had talked about the possibility that they would need to change up his medications, find the right cocktail for him, but he thought that changing the dosage of his current prescription first seemed to be normal.

Rnasom knew what he was talking about, though; he had to. Not because he was a pre-med student, though that played into it. Ransom was very open about his own anxiety problems. He bitched about side effects, he was comfortable asking the Haus for things he needed. Nursey looked up to his acceptance; he often hoped one day he would feel okay without faking a chill attitude.

Nursey shrugged. “It's whatever, man.”

“No, Derek, it's not whatever. This is your health we're talking about. You can't just let it go and you can't accept when a doctor neglects your needs. That's not how it works, that's not how it should work. If not for yourself, consider how it may be effecting the team, how it effects you and Dex. Just... will you go to the student health center and talk to someone there, see what they recommend?”

And that's how Nursey ended up at the student health center for the first time, ended up with three brand new prescription bottles, and ended up starting a fight with Dex.

Adjusting to his new meds was hard. He felt unstable, going from 0 to 60 at the snap of a finger. The doctor told him it was normal, that it would level out after a few weeks. Taking Ransom's example Nursey decided to be open with the team about what was going on. Everyone was incredibly understanding, but Nursey could tell it was hard on everyone, Dex especially.

When he woke up one morning, already on edge, he could tell it was going to be a bad day. His classes dragged on for hours. The “good morning” and “thinking of you” texts from Dex throughout the day made his fingers itch to reply “what's so good” and “why, couldn't find a trash can for the rest of your garbage?” Instead, he didn't respond at all. 

By the end of the day, though, the silence seemed to be the wrong choice. Nursey wanted nothing more than to tuck himself into his dorm with an industrial sized pack of twizzlers and a crappy 80s movie. When he got to his door, though, he found an annoyed boyfriend waiting. 

“We were supposed to meet at the library an hour ago to study.”

Nursey swore under his breath. Along with moodiness, his medication came with a horrible memory. He was supposed to help Dex with an analyical essay that was giving him trouble. Nursey didn't even have a good excuse; he had spent that time walking to the Murder stop-n-shop to pick up junk that he definitely didn't need to be eating. 

“Gonna let me in, Nurse?”

Nursey shrugged. “I mean, not really.”

He couldn't deal with that expression on his boyfriend's face. He couldn't deal with anyone. He needed John Hughes and fuzzy pajama bottoms. Dex's face soured further. “What the hell is wrong with you? And don't say it's because of your meds. You're always like this, pushing me away instead of letting me help.”

“Just fucking leave it, Dex.” Nurse dug through his messenger bag for his keys. The sooner he got in the room, the sooner he could blank out the world and forget about his shitty day. Dex blocked his way to his door, though.

“Please talk to me.” The words were sincere, but Dex's attitude... wasn't. It wasn't a question, it wasn't a request from a concerned boyfriend. Instead, it sounded like a demand. All of the frustration and anger Dex was feeling was expressed in those four words and it made something in Nursey snap. 

He was done.

Intellectually, he knew that he needed to talk to Dex. It wouldn't just go away. Emotionally, though, he couldn't handle it. So, he used his size advantage to shoulder past Dex and close the door in his face. From the other side, his boyfriend slammed his hand against the thick wood.

“Goddamit Nursey. If you won't talk, then fucking listen up. You put on this face of some chill intellectual, a deep poet, but that's not you. This 'above it all' thing you do is bullshit. We both know it. You need to stop pretending that you're something you're not, and right now, you're not okay. But whatever, if you don't want to let me in, that's your choice. I'm only your boyfriend. Or at least, I thought it was.”

...and that hurt.

Nursey's bad day just kept going with no end in sight, rolling neatly into next week. He stayed in his dorm, skipping classes, and even practice. Dex was right, he was bullshit. It wouldn't do anyone any good if he showed up anyway. His roommate was in and out, obviously put off by Nursey's mood.

On day three, he tried to ignore an insistent knock on his door but couldn't when he heard Ransom yelling from the other side. Of course. Missing two days of practice in a row wasn't normal for him. 

“It's open, Rans,” he called out, barely above his normal speaking level. 

Ransom took in the messy room, eyes landing on Nursey in his blanket nest, and sighed. “Scootch up, man.”

He settled himself into the tiny twin bed with difficulty. It was hard for one big hockey guy to fit onto the tiny mattress, let alone two. Nursey ended up mostly on top of his captain, tucked securely against his broad shoulders and chest. It was oddly nice, though. 

“You want to talk about it?” And he kinda did. But he also kinda wanted to stay warm and comfortable wrapped up like they were.

“Maybe later.” And he meant it.

After a few hours, some of it talking, but most of it in silence, Ransom managed to coax Nursey out of his room with promises of Bitty's freshly baked stress brownies. So, they ate brownies and made a new blanket nest on the Haus' couch until Ransom had to leave for his night bio lab. Nursey stayed where he was.

When Holster walked in an hour later, he didn't comment on the fact that Nursey was sitting in the dark, without the tv on. Holster didn't ask about his three day absence. He didn't even say anything about Nursey's obviously tear-stained face. Instead, he crowded on the couch with Nursey, situating himself comfortably under the thick blankets.

“How about some Real Housewives?”

He wasn't sure if Holster knew why he was in a bad mood. It was possible that Ransom had told him about the fight, all the details of his shouting match with Dex; they didn't seem to have many secrets from each other. They always seemed to know everything that was going on with the other, even if it had just happened. Whether he did or not, Nursey couldn't find it in him to care.

“Yeah, sounds good.” 

Holster pulled Nursey closer, a thick arm comfortably across his shoulders. It was exactly what he needed: cuddles and shit television. Sure, he wished he could have it with his actual boyfriend, but in a way, it was even better with Holster. 

There were no expectations, no motives, just comfort. 

Hours passed that way, pressed together. They exchanged stupid jokes, but didn't bother with serious subjects. Maybe it was from years of taking care of Rnansom in coral-reef mode, or maybe some other reason, but Holster never pushed the issue when he took care of a player in need. He tried his best to cheer them up, and let people take their time to process on their own. It was exactly what Nursey needed.

“He wants me to be someone I'm not, and I just can't do it, Holtzy.”

A warm hand rubbed calmly up and down his arm. It made talking easier. 

“I was raised privileged in some ways. I don't understand what it means to want for certain things. I try to be understanding, but I refuse to patronize him by pretending I can. Sometimes I'm a basic bitch. I love the Real Housewives and stupid pop music and wearing scarves in the summertime. And I love poetry. I'm an English major for fuck's sake! Yeah, I ignore my emotions and rely on medication and hate talking about problems. But that's all me. I can't change any of that. I don't want to change any of that. So why does he want me to?”

It hurt more than Nursey was willing to admit, more than he would ever tell Dex. For some reason, though, it felt easy to talk to Holster about it.

In a soft voice, one Nursey had only heard him use with Ransom, Holster asked, “Is it worth it, Derek? Is all of this worth all of the good?”

Nursey took a long time thinking about the answer. It was a good question. 

It was easy to make a list of all the bad things in their relationship. Dex's anger problems didn't mix well with Nursey's own anxiety and low self-worth. Every time Dex lashed out, he would internalize every comment. Nursey knew that Dex didn't do it on purpose; he couldn't help it any more than Nursey could help how he processed things. Even so, the combinations was... not good.

Unlike Ransom and Holster, who could prioritize their emotions and their hockey, Dex and Nursey couldn't. When they fought, it affected their playing and the team, which inevitably made them both  
feel even worse.

Figuring out the good things was harder when Nursey was feeling so low. But, they were there. More than anyone else, Dex seemed to understand Nursey. He tried to help Nursey work through his issues, even if that meant forcing him to do it He was a good support system.

More than that, though, he was just plain fun to be around. Every chirp, every joke had a response. Dex was clever, he could match Nursey's attitude easily. They had fun together. At least, when they were both in a good mood, they had fun together. 

Feeling low was something Nursey was used to. It was his norm for years. But he didn't wat to imagine life without that easy fun. But did that mean it was worth it?

“I don't know, Holster. I honestly don't know.”

Nursey felt a kiss pressed to the top of his head. “That's okay, babe.”

Over the next few days, he stuck pretty close to his captains. It helped, in a weird way. He was able to go to class without stress, knowing that he'd end up back at the Haus squished between the two. They were even understanding about how strained Nursey and Dex were on the ice.

With Ransom's encouragement, Nursey apologized to Dex before their game that Friday. It was a stilted conversation, definitely not the one that Dex wanted, but it was enough. They played well and even managed to pull out a win. Even though the game wasn't an important one, Holster decided that the pair of d-men making up was enough cause for a kegster.

The team agreed and partied hard.

Late into the night, when most of the people either left or were too drunk to leave, Nursey found himself cuddling with Ransom on the reading room. He only had two beers (though he technically shouldn't be drinking at all on his new medications, and was tipsier than usual), and was feeling emotionally drained from his week.

“I don't understand, why can't Dex just be more like you and Holtzy? You're both so sweet and caring and... just everything.”

Nursey tucked his head closer into Ransom's neck. There was an amazing sense of calm pressed so tightly against his captain. 

“Nursey, you don't mean that. Dex is your boyfriend. Holster and I aren't the same thing to you.” 

And that was true, wasn't it? Nursey shouldn't feel the same way about his boyfriend as his captains, even if they were his closest friends. It made him pause, because in a way... he did.

He loved Dex, he really did. Even though they fought so often, and seemed incompatible, they just worked. Nursey didn't want to give that up. He wouldn't give it up; he would fight as hard as he could to keep their relationship working.

But the fact still remained that he thought of all three teammates the same way. And if that wasn't in a friendly way...

After his very first practice on the team, Nurse knew he had little crushes on Ransom and Holster. The way they interacted, on and off the ice, was captivating. The way they interacted with other members of the team was inspiring. They were the perfect combination of focused on the ice, fun in the Haus, and caring with each other (and somehow, with Nursey himself). 

It didn't hurt that they were hot as hell, too.

It was just a small crush, though. Except maybe it wasn't, because the same little swoop and fall Nursey felt in the pit of his stomach when he greeted his boyfriend every morning, he got when he saw his captains grinning and shoving at each other. Watching shitty tv with Holster felt the same as being tucked against Dex while they did homework. Laying with Ransom felt tingly and warm, same as laying with Dex.

Nursey let his head fall back, really looking at Ransom. Realizing how he felt was... calming. Instead of confused or nervous or anxious, it just felt right. Maybe it would have been different without those two beers.

“You know, I really think I do.”

Ransom gave a small sigh, a sad smile. He carefully stood up, untangling their limbs. Before he stood up fully, he pressed a short, sweet kiss to Nursey's lips. And then he was gone.

The next morning, Nursey woke up before anyone else, even Bitty (who like to wake up after Kegsters to make hang-over breakfast). 

He knew that he had to have a conversation with Dex. Even though Ransom had insisted that he didn't feel romantically about him and Holster, Nursey knew he did. It was wrong to keep that from Dex, even if nothing happened. Which, of course nothing would happen. There was no reason to even think about that.

***

Nursey hesitated, hand raised to knock on Dex's door. He hadn't worked out what to say, how to approach the topic at all. Taking a deep breath, he knocked on the door before he could lose what little courage he had. 

It took several minutes for a rumpled Dex to answer the door, wearing only his sleep pants and looking sleepy and delicious. Nursey allowed himself a minute of just taking in his boyfriend. God, he was beautiful, all smooth skin and sleep hair.

“Hey, what's up? It's early as shit.”

Instead of responding, Nursey pulled Dex in for a searing kiss. Maybe it was selfish, but if today was the last day Nursey would be able to, he was going to kiss Dex as often as possible. It wasn't long before Dex pulled away with a questioning look. Before he could ask, though, Nursey blurted everything (honestly, where had his chill gone lately?)

“I think I like Ransom. And Holster. Well, I definitely like them. I have a crush on them, I mean. Both of them.”

He tried to look anywhere but Dex's face. The doorway, the striped socks Dex was wearing, his own shoes. Nursey couldn't help it when his eyes jumped up, though. He braced for the pinched expression his boyfriend would get when he was trying to hold back, but instead, he saw something he couldn't place. Something calm, maybe contemplative.

“Okay. Nursey, why are you telling me this?”

Nursey tugged at the hemp bracelets on his wrist. He had expected anger or for Dex to lash out. But, instead, his voice was soft and calm. 

“I don't know, Dex. I... honestly, I'm not sure. It didn't feel right for you not to know.” 

And in that moment, he honestly didn't know. He couldn't put his finger on what it was that he hoped to accomplish by telling Dex. Nothing had happened between him, Holster, or Ransom (besides a tiny, two second kiss), so it wasn't like he was cheating on Dex. 

Dex pulled Nursey into a tight hug. “Why don't you come on in.”

Nursey loved Dex's dorm. His own roommate was always around, always making noise, always... smelling. Dex's roommate, though, was a chill sort of dude; he was the kind of guy who would clear out when Nursey was around out of respect (when he wasn't already over at his girlfriend's dorm).

Tony gave a nod to the pair as they walked in, already packing his laptop in his backpack, even though it was barely seven in the morning. He gave Nursey a nod and clapped his shoulder on his way out the door. Tony was a good dude. 

Before he could figure out where to sit (on the bed with Dex? the computer chair, so there would be some distance?), Dex spoke in that same quiet, calm voice. “Are you happy with me, Derek?”

“Am I what?”

Dex sighed and ran a hand through his short hair. “Look, I know you go to Holster to bitch about me. I know I give you pleanty of reasons to. And you go to Rans for comfort and sympathy, because I don't know how to... do... that. So, I'm wondering, is there anything you get from me that makes you happy? Or is it just... stress?”

Nursey carefully sat on the edge of the computer chair. He thought about Dex's question, honestly thought about it. Did Dex make him happy? Was being with Dex a good thing in his life?

He thought about Holster asking the same question, about the answer Nursey gave him. Dex made him work through issues. Dex was fun.

When they first started going out, they spent nearly all day together. They laughed with each other, chirped each other (all in good fun), and generally had a good time in each other's company. The amazing sex was pretty nice, too. Now, it seemed like all of their time together was spent arguing, or trying to resolve an argument they had. 

As for helping him work out his issues, well. Nursey hadn't realize just how bad a support system Dex was. Sure, he helped Nurseyw ork through his issues, but only after forcing them to the surface. Dex didn't have the patience to wait for Nursey to handle them at his own pace.

It occurred to Nursey that no, he wasn't happy with Dex.

The problem was, though, Nursey didn't know if that was because he wasn't happy with Dex, or because of his stupid, fluctuating moods. How could he trust his judgement, when he couldn't even keep his head on straight most days? If this conversation went where he thought it was, would he regret having it a few months down the line when he was more stable?

At the same time, though... He trusted his judgement about his feelings for Ransom and Holster. He trusted that it wasn't some weird attachemnt because of their help, so why shouldn't he trust his judgement about his feelings for Dex?

Nursey took a deep breath. “I'm not happy with how things are. I don't want to say that it's because of you, but the way we are doesn't help.”

Dex nodded, mostly to himself. After a few minutes of silence, he smiled softly at Nursey. “I'm not good for you. I don't know if I will be in the future, but right now, Adam and Justin are who you need. And they're who you want. You should go find them.”

“What are you saying, Dex?”

“I'm saying that, for now, we shouldn't be together. I love you, you know I do. But what kind of boyfriend would I be if I let you stay with a guy who doesn't make you happy?”

Nursey couldn't figure out what to say. He could protest, but a part of him (a big part) knew that Dex was right. For now, for however long that was, it was better if he wasn't with Dex. That he was the one who brought it up was one of the sweetest things Dex had ever done. There were no motives to it except to make Nursey happy. 

It made Nursey's heart hurt, a little bit. Dex cared for him so much, and how was he repaying that? By running straight to another guy? Or rather, two other guys.

Nursey was torn from his thoughts when Dex softly grabbed his hand. “Hey, it's chill. Don't overthink things.”

He can't help but laught a that. Chill, he could do that. He could try, anyway.

***

Nursey found Ransom and Holster together in the attic. With how busy they were, it was rare that they were both there, even moe that they were both awake (and sober). He took it as a sign.

They both looked up when Nursey walked into the room, Holster from his laptop (probably still in the middle of his Parks and Rec rewatch), Ransom from a thick textbook. The wide smiles they gave him calmed a little bit of the panic he had worked up walking from the dorms to the Haus.

“So, I, uh. Talked to Dex this morning?” He readjusted his hat, a nervous habit that he had fallen back into, pulling it off, squeezing the soft fabric between his hands, then shoving it quickly back on his head.

Nursey wasn't sure if Ransom had told Holster what had happened at the Kegster, or if he just knew without being told, but he didn't look confused. Instead, both captains had a similar concerned expression. Neither said a word, though, allowing Nursey to expalin at his own speed.

“I thought that might be best after, you know, what I said last night.” 

He pauses, because he doesn't know what exactly he wants to say. He wants to tell Ransom that he wasn't just drunk, he really meant what he said. He wants to tell Holster that they're the only reason Nursey is sane these days and how much he appreciates it. He wants to tell them how sweet Dex was, how soft and understanding he was.

Instead, what comes out was, “Dex broke up with me.”

Nursey immediately regrets it. Ransom and Holster both rise, anger clear on their faces. Before they can say anything, Nursey stops them.

“Not like that. I promise, not like you're thinking. He, uh, he said he's not good for me. That I'd be happier with... not him.” He doesn't want to push anything, or assume that Ransom and Holster want him just because he wants them. He doesn't want to tell them he and Dex broke up with the idea that they would get together. 

Holster's face scrunched up, almost like he was confused. “That is... way more reasonable than I expected from Pointdexter. Sweet, in his weird, emotionally constipated way.”

Nursey couldn't help but laugh. Because, yeah, it was sweet. In an annoyingly Dex sort of way. 

Ransom's face was more controlled. When he spoke, his tone was even. “How are you feeling about breaking up, Derek?”

If that didn't show the difference between Ransom and Holster, nothing did. Holster was quick to make a joke, trying to make Nursey feel better about what was going on around him. Ransom let Nursey talk through his feelings, figure out what was going on in his head without trying to influence anything. It was exactly what Nursey wanted. Together, they were what he needed. 

There were a lot of ways he could answer. He was feeling upset that Dex didn't give him a choice, really, in his own life. He was feeling a bit brokenhearted because Dex's final act was so good. He was feeling guilty for the circumstances that forced Dex to do what he did. 

But, for the first time in a while, his mind also felt calm. Because he was surrounded by people that cared about him, about his mental health. In the end, it didn't matter if he was with Dex or if he ended up with Ransom and Holster, or nobody at all. Because...

“I'm feeling hopeful.”

**Author's Note:**

> 3/2- I made a small edit (just a few words) because something didn't sit right with me. Nothing about the story changed :)


End file.
